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A STORY ABOUT DEALING WITH SUICIDE
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(Name withheld)
I would like to share a personal story in hopes it may help local spiritual assemblies respond to persons in distress.
I am a survivor of repeated childhood abuse. As a result of this abuse and possibly a bio-chemical make-up, which may be genetic, or a result of the abuse, I have experienced a number of symptoms related to mental illness whether it has been as a result of anxiety, depression, phobias, dissociation, flashbacks and suicidal feelings over the years. On a few occasions when the suicidal feelings were overwhelming I wanted to go to the Local Spiritual Assembly (the local Baha'i governing body) but felt intimidated in doing so. I went to the Local Spiritual Assembly on one occasion and was only able to say that I was going through a difficult time. The assembly fortunately decided to have two members available for me to speak with. This was easier than talking to nine individuals. At a time of feeling overwhelmed and not very interested in living, it is nearly impossible to share with a large group of people and to even get the energy to go to a meeting. Having two people was easier, however, when I asked for some help finding Baha’i Writings on suicide I never received them. When within a couple of weeks I was hospitalized, after an overdose only one of the two came to visit me. This is an indication of an assembly not ready to respond. Eventually, a couple of years later, I received a six page compilation on suicide from the Universal House of Justice (Baha'i administrative body serving at the Baha'i World Centre in Haifa, Israel) after writing for some guidance. It is a very good compilation.
The last time I felt suicidal, I was living in a different community where I didn’t feel my confidentiality would be respected as I had heard members of the Local Spiritual Assembly speak of others. I never told anyone on the assembly how I was feeling. I shared what was happening with another Baha’i friend. For me it is very important to have contact with Baha’is when I am feeling hopeless, full of despair and no longer have a desire to live. It is important because in the system at large it is unlikely I will find anyone:
- to say prayers with or for me,- to help orient me back to my faith and a willingness to do God’s will,- who has an understanding of tests and difficulties based on spiritual principles- who is part of my spiritual family.
I think if most of the members knew how I felt they would want to be helpful. I think it is in part my reticence to share my vulnerabilities and Local Spiritual Assemblies not being ready to respond to great distress that is the difficulty. Here are a few suggestions on what may have helped in my situation:
- I think it would be wise for every Local Spiritual Assembly to have some writings on any area of difficulty they may face. I think not getting help finding the writings when I asked actually made things worse than if I had never asked.
- I think it is important for someone on the assembly to follow-up with a person if they have expressed having difficulties. If there is any reason at all to suspect that the person is suicidal, the assembly should ask and see that the person gets professional help if necessary. If the person is getting professional help and is suicidal let them know you are going to contact the professional and do perform this task.
- Never betray anyone’s confidence because it causes other people to not seek help even if they need it.
- Be open about a number of difficulties since this lets people know you can be approached. Offering deepenings on a variety of difficult topics can best do this. Not only does this let people know the assembly is approachable, it prepares members of the assembly to deal with a wide range of issues should they arise. Ask the community members for topics they would like to deepen on. This may give a person an opportunity to get the information especially if they are reluctant to come forward with a personal issue.
In conclusion, I would like to tell anyone who feels suicidal, we may not know why God wants us here and we may not want to be here but if we hang on for another hour, fifteen minutes or a minute at a time, we undoubtedly will grow spiritually as we are tested and find ourselves victorious one more time. God wants us here for some reason or we wouldn’t be here and He is assisting us whether we know it or not.
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"When a Baha'i finds it essential to seek the help of others, and after his own efforts and those of his family and close friends have proved inadequate, he may certainly turn to his Local Spiritual Assembly, which will consult on his problem, extend a helping hand to him,...and even more importantly, will counsel and advise him on what opportunities are open to him, and what steps he might take to seek a solution to his problem. If the Local Assembly feels that the help or guidance of the National Assembly should be sought, it will no doubt refer the matter to the National Assembly." (From letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, September 1, 1980, Lights of Guidance, p. 123)
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