ADDICTION ISSUES
Recently my spiritual daughter age 25 and Persian shared with me the reality of her drinking and taking drugs. She does not feel that she can get help within the Baha'i community let alone turn to other Persian Baha'is for help. After speaking with her, I have learned from other young Persian Baha'is that they have the same problems and fears. Is there anyone out there working to help break the silence of this frightening condition? These young people need and want help but don't know what to do or how to do it and I don't know what to tell them. Does anyone know how wide spread this problem could be? I know that more than Persians suffer from these problems, but they seem to hide it more. I'm grateful for any insights.
RESPONSES:
Like all cultures, Persian culture has many positive and negative aspects. One particularly negative aspect of this culture is the great emphasis on what I will call 'what will others think' syndrome. This prevents many individuals from being honest about personal tests for fear of what others may think or say. Unfortunately hiding problems and maintaining silence does not solve problems, but create bigger ones.
Firstly, it takes a great deal of courage for your spiritual daughter to share this problem with you and I would encourage you to commend her on her strength and courage. The fact that she has shared this with you means that firstly she does recognize it is a problem, and secondly, that she is reaching out for assistance.
If she is comfortable discussing this with her parents, the Local Assembly or an Auxiliary Board Member, please encourage her to do so and assure her of your full support as she tries to deal with this. If she is not comfortable going to family, friends or to the institutions of the faith, (which is what I would suspect is more likely) please take it upon yourself to be the one to help her address this problem and end her addiction.
Here is what I would do:
1. Do some research on the subject and put it all in a folder - perhaps do some internet research, get books, pamphlets etc on addiction; find out information on various agencies that deal with alcohol and drug addiction; information on therapists (preferably a woman) that specialize in this area. Alcohol and drug dependencies are often results of unresolved inner issues, frustrations, etc ... youth today are not always provided with the tools and channels they need to deal with tests, and alcohol and drugs are one way of 'forgetting' or dealing with problems or 'rebelling' against the forbidden. Therapy would be helpful for her to identify the underlying reasons for her addiction and through understanding comes power and strength.
2. Put together a list of quotations from the writings on the subject.
3. There is a Baha'i support group for people dealing with addiction. Call the Baha'i Centre and get information on this and contact information - just in case your 'daughter' would consider contacting them.
4. Prepared with all this information, invite her over to your home to discuss this issue. Tell her how grateful you are that she has shared this with you. It must be a great burden to have a problem such as this and feel there is no one to tell, nowhere to turn. Her opening up is the FIRST and most important step in her therapy. Say some prayers, and show her the folder with all the research you have done. Tell her what you've learned and what seems to stick out in your mind about her and this issue. Then have a consultation with her about what SHE would like to do.
- does she want to stop drinking and using drugs? - why does she think this habit began for her?- does she feel she can stop? (and tell her why you are confident that she can)- ask any other questions you think are relevant
5. Ask her to take the folder home and study it and set up another time to meet a week or two later to discuss the matter further. Giving her the opportunity to take control and choose her treatment option will be empowering to her. But your 'presence' - physical, emotional, and spiritual - are vital for her success. Assure her that you are available to her at all times and that you will stick by her. Tell her this is not her 'fault' and there is no faulting, blaming etc ... it is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has their own challenges, and this happens to be hers ... but for her physical, spiritual and psychological health, it needs to be dealt with because it is not only something that is spiritually forbidden but physically unhealthy.
6. Encourage the daughter to involve her parents. If she is not comfortable with this, ask if she'd like for her (the woman assisting her) to be present if/when she chooses to tell her parents. Her presence may take some of the pressure off, but the woman will need to ensure the parents that they can trust her to keep this to herself or the parents may get upset with their daughter for telling someone outside of the family about the problem. They may or may not be upset/supportive, etc. There is not enough information to guess, but the bottom line is not to be judgmental of the young girl, not to attribute blame to her or her family; and finally to focus on working to assist her. She may very well be surprised by her parents' reaction and their understanding and support will be of great assistance to her.
7. Set out a time line with goals - what does she hope to achieve by when, etc.
Unfortunately, there is not enough discussion in the community about this problem and our young people don't always receive the support they need and deserve. We sometimes wrongly assume that just because something is 'forbidden' in the Faith, that it doesn't happen ... well it does, and there is indeed support out there in the community. Our youth are so important and precious and any effort you and others can make to assist in these issues, would be a great service.
- By Cheshmak Farhoumand-Sims, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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Young and not so young Baha'is, who are struggling with addictions issues, can receive assistance from the Baha'i Network on AIDS, Sexuality, Addictions and Abuse. Their website is at: www.globweb.com/bnasaa/ They hold conferences yearly at Green Acre and Louhelen Baha'i School, and frequently at Bosch and other locations in the US and Canada.
- Susan Gammage, Ontario, Canada