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HAPPY COUPLES
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Taken from "Parenting in the New World Order - The Marriage Journal", Volume 2, Issue #7, March, 1997

"A friend recently loaned us an article to read with the intriguing title: The Nine Secrets of Happy Couples" by Rebecca Rice from Red Book, February, 1997. We enjoyed Rebecca's article as she looked at the 'ways and means' of a happy marriage. Forty percent of marriages end in divorce so anything we all can learn about good marriages is to our advantage. The author of the article soon realizes of course, "there are certain core values" in good marriages. We know that everyone can probably list them - trust, mutual respect, commitment, etc. But there seem to arise the same habits from any happy couple that mirror these values. We will share very simple actions of her observations of happy couples.
1. They have personal 'pet' names for each other. Says Carolyn Perta, PhD, a marital and family therapist in Manhattan, "Pet names signal a safe, supportive environment and give us the chance to be vulnerable and childlike. They make us feel close to one another.
2. They DO things together - start businesses, take up cooking together, refinish to attic, browse in antique stores, etc.
3. When the going gets tough they don't call Mom or Dad. It is important for the couple to solve their internal problems without any outside, potentially intrusive and controlling forces.
4. They stay connected to their parents and other family members. This way they share that part of their life with each other.
5. They both try to give 150% - and don't keep score.
6. They know how to disagree with limits and with no name calling.
7. They give each other simple gifts or little notes.
8. They do not tease each other about their vulnerable areas.
9. They help each other through life's ups and downs.
"Couples who do well together tend not to do anything that increases their partner's suffering, like becoming resentful or criticizing," notes Dr. Young-Eisendrath. "They both feel that they can always count on each other."