How can communities support parents in the spiritual education of their children and how can community members establish sound relationships with the children and youth in their community?
Speaking from personal experience. From the time my children were born, they attended 19-day Feasts and the community always included them and all the other children. They, once able to, were invited to say a prayer at Feasts and other gatherings, and no matter how slow or laboured the recitation was, they were never made to feel hurried. The National Assembly of Ireland sends a 19 - day children's newsletter produced by the National Education Committee to the Feast as well as the Feast letter. The children always shared the reading of this children's newsletter. It was generally read and discussed first at the consultative part of the Feast. When the children were still small, they would then leave with someone older to do an activity in another room and then return for the social part. When the children became older, if they wished, they would be included in the consultation.
The members of the community, many of them also parents and some single people were very warm and loving to the children/junior youth/youth talking with them and generally being interested in how they were doing in school/their hobbies etc. The Local Spiritual Assembly ( I am a member) always had children/youth as an item on its agenda and prayed for them specifically at the Assembly meetings. Thankfully, both the Assembly and the community realized/understood that the children were the future of the Faith and indeed "our precious trust". ( Local Spiritual Assemblies, elected annually consist of nine Baha'is, twenty-one years of age and older, govern the affairs of each local Baha'i community.)
I think I can say that the majority of the young people in the Irish community are now taking their place in the Baha'i community, traveling overseas to do a youth year of service, pioneering, homefront and overseas and serving on National Committees. I feel that our National Assembly, aided by its relevant committees, had great foresight and wisdom and now there are 3 or 4 older youth who have been chosen to go to the World Centre next May as part of the 19 to attend the formal opening of the Terraces.
In a nutshell, they (children/junior youth/youth) were included, loved and communicated with by the community members and the Institutions. Also I personally want to say, communicating and relating with children/youth is rewarding and enjoyable. Everyone gains from it, children/youth have such insight and are usually very straight forward in their talking and thinking. We all can learn from them. - Eleanor Dawson, Ireland
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Here in Perth, Western Australia we have just formed a Parenting and Family Life Task Force to look at this question and many others. Last week, I came across one of the many wonderful and useful quotations from the Core Curriculum for Spiritual Education, Parenting Program:
"So long as the mother faileth to train her children, and start them on a proper way of life, the training which they receive later on will not take its full effect. It is incumbent upon the Spiritual Assemblies to provide the mothers with a well-planned programme for the education of children, showing how, from infancy, the child must be watched over and taught. These instructions must be given to every mother to serve her as a guide, so that each will train and nurture her children in accordance with the Teachings." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Baha, p. 138)
In response to the question as to how we can support parents, I would like to offer the suggestion that the community look into running this wonderful parenting program (it is currently being assessed by the International Teaching Centre). The Core Curriculum is an educational program for the spiritual development of children and families that has been developed by the National Baha'i Educational Task Force under the guidance of the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States. The training program has four modules or sections: the role and qualities of the teacher, including the importance of a personal transformation program; the spiritual reality of the child, including an examination of physical, mental and spiritual stages in human development; the interconnected relationships and responsibilities of parents, teachers, Spiritual Assemblies and the community for the education of children; and using sections of the Core Curriculum, making lesson plans and activities which accommodate a wide range of learning styles.
The program is process oriented, aims at promoting the growth of child-development centered communities, drawing into the process all members of the community.
We have nearly completed working through this program and have gained much in spiritual insight as well as having lots of fun and laughter, and developing unity and friendship in our community. - Sue Haselhurst, Australia
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Regarding the spiritual education of children, I have attended and even conducted many seminars and meetings on this topic and have advised parents according to the Writings, stressing the need for continuous reflection, family prayer and family consultation, the need to set limits and the need to be a good example. The introduction to the Virtues Guide (see book/pamphlet section) is a good place for parents to start when looking for ways to improve the spiritual education of children. What has lately come to my attention though, is that our 'deepened' Baha'is, who themselves could quote the entire Baha'i Education compilation verbatim, still often resort to physical punishment (slapping and pinching), threats, abuse and insults when dealing with children under five. It really doesn't work at all. These are the children who themselves start hitting other children when under pressure. I wonder if communities shouldn't help parents to deal with frustration and anger and teach them about time out (for themselves as well as the child) and using other means of disciplining small children. Of course, some parents go to the opposite extreme of letting their children destroy someone's home while they smile benignly - but it is possible to have well disciplined children without a battle. I learned this the hard way but now we have a fixed set of rules about behaviour with punishments (such as no story, no TV) and lots of rewards and encouragement for the slightest good thing (non-material rewards, such as more love and attention and time with mom and dad). When we get too stressed and shout at them, we apologize and take responsibility for it. They also take responsibility for their own bad moods. Sometimes we forget that a child is a green and tender plant that will grow in whichever way WE train the child. This is an image to always keep in your mind when you are about to lose your cool.
"While the physical discipline of children is an acceptable part of their education and training, such actions are to be carried out "gently and patiently" and with "loving care", far removed from anger and violence with which children are beaten and abused in some parts of the world. To treat children in such an abhorrent manner is a denial of their human rights, and a betrayal of the trust which the weak should have in the strong in a Baha'i community." (The Universal House of Justice, from the Research Department, 17 January 1994) - Anonymous
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THE ROLE OF THE "NOT-PARENT"
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By Denise Moberly, taken from "Parenting in the New World Order, Volume 5, Issue #5, January, 1996)
For this article "not-parent" is an adult to whom a teen turns for a listening ear and/or advice.
"In our global society, families have become scattered. There once were and sometimes still are, grandparents, aunts, uncles, older cousins nearby. Now there may be a neighbour, a family friend, a friend's parent. The lack of a close family net does not eliminate the need of a teen to discuss the process of becoming an adult with other adults. Discussion with parents is needed, but, reflecting thoughts and ideas off other adults expands the youth's horizons. This is not a sign of a deficient parent but rather a sign of a budding adult using the fundamentals of consultation for problem-solving, and for exploring themselves.
Youth on the verge of adulthood need to see themselves as an adult rather than an extension of their parents. Talking with an adult who listens and speaks to them as an adult is one way of finding out who they are.
"True loss is for him whose days have been spent in utter ignorance of his self." (Baha'u'llah, Words of Wisdom, Tablets of Baha'u'llah, p.156)
During my teen years when I felt I couldn't talk with my parents I had other adults to talk with. Sometimes I felt my parents "just wouldn't understand", sometimes I just wanted another viewpoint, or another form of expression. I now see that "not understanding" is that the parents and I knew each other so well that it was too close, so I went to an adult I trusted to sound out my concerns or try out new ideas. These women listened, sharing their life skills, and spoke their concern as a parent. They could hear my struggles and supported the wisdom of my parents.
"Likewise, when you meet those whose opinions differ from your own, do not turn away your face from them. All are seeking truth, and there are many roads leading thereto. Truth has many aspects, but it remains always and forever one...Rather, search diligently for the truth and make all men your friends." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 53)
My daughter is 17 and I am now witnessing this process. I have also been in the position of the not-parent, where a teen has trusted me enough to explore a part of their world with me. I have found that I have learned from these youth and that the search for truth has given me another friend.
The sharing between the elder and the youth is a time-honoured part of community building."
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THE IMPORTANCE OF READING TO CHILDREN
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By Frankie Shaw, taken from "Puslinch Pioneer, Ontario, Canada, Vol. 24, Issue #2, September, 1999
"I recently read an article on literacy, and the facts were startling. Reading to children requires parents' urgent attention from their child's birth onwards. Researchers are saying that children who have not been read to and so have not exercised that part of their brain by the age of seven are in danger of experiencing brain atrophy. The more that children are read to before they go to school, the more likely their academic success. Those fortunate children who have the pleasure of being read to before they start school have an 80% greater change of finishing high school, but children who have not experienced that pleasure lack the wide vocabulary and metaphorical base from which to start the formal process of learning. They need to know that language has a cadence and rhythm which is different when read. They need to know the alphabet. They need to know that words in English go from left to right and they need to know that pages turn from right to left. Children who have spent many hours in front of televisions, computers, video games, or movies do not necessarily know these things. So, given that parents know how important it is for them to read to their children, here's how to set about it:
* Choose books that appeal to both yourself and your child. Some books seem to meet a deep need and will be read over and over again.
* If an event is going to happen such as a new baby coming into the family or a grandparent going into hospital, you could introduce the idea through a story, which will in turn promote discussion in a positive way.
* Choose stories to validate your child's point of view and to show respect for his/her experiences.
* Nourish the development of the brain through the stimulation of ideas, concepts and enriched language.
* Foster the ability to problem-solve as the child identifies with the characters and their situations.
* Register your child in your local library's Story Time. There he/she will join other children and see how they enjoy listening to stories and looking at the pictures.
Spending time reading with your child is one of the most critical investments you will make in your child's and the community's future.
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