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CHOOSING A PARTNER

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Attraction and Harmony

"In short, attraction and harmony of things are the cause of the production of fruits and useful results, while repulsion and disharmony of things are the cause of disturbance and annihilation." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith, p. 296)

Know His Own Self

"...man should know his own self, and know those things which lead to loftiness or to abasement, to shame or to honour, to affluence or poverty." (Baha'u'llah, The Baha'i World, p. 167)

Before Choosing a Partner

Some counsels of 'Abdu'l-Baha addressed to a believer help men and women to reflect on their attitude and the person of their choice.

1) A joyful disposition "...she must be sympathetic, kind-hearted, happy and endowed with a joyful disposition." ('Abdu'l-Baha, 22nd Dec 1918, to A.S., Star of the West, vol 11, no 1, p. 20)

2) A companion and a partner"....She must take an interest in all the problems pertaining to thy life, and be thy companion and partner in every phase of thy existence..." ('Abdu'l-Baha, 22nd Dec 1918, to A.S., Star of the West, vol 11, no 1, p. 20)

3) Everlasting friendship"Before choosing a wife a man must think soberly and seriously that this girl will be his friend throughout all his life. It is not a temporary matter." ('Abdu'l-Baha, 22nd Dec 1918, to A.S., Star of the West, vol 11, no 1, p. 20)

A Mate and Intimate Confident"She is a soul with whom he must associate all the days of his life; she will be his mate and his intimate confidant; therefore, day by day their love and their attachment to each other must increase." ('Abdu'l-Baha, 22nd Dec 1918, to A.S., Star of the West, vol 11, no 1, p. 20)

No Interference"As for the question regarding marriage under the Law of God: first thou must choose one who is pleasing to thee, and then the matter is subject to the consent of father and mother. Before thou makest thy choice, they have no right to interfere." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Baha, p. 118)

Consent of Parents"As we desired to bring about love and friendship and the unity of the people, therefore We made marriage conditional upon the consent of the parents also, that enmity and ill-feeling might be avoided." (Baha'u'llah, Kitab-i-Aqdas)

Eternal Bond"Baha'i marriage is union and cordial affection between the two parties. They must, however, exercise the utmost care and become acquainted with each other's character. This eternal bond should be made secure by a firm covenant, and the intention should be to foster harmony, fellowship and unity and to attain everlasting life." ('Abdu'l-Baha, The Baha'i World Faith, p. 372)

Character and Faith"There is a difference between character and faith; it is often very hard to accept this fact and put up with it, but the fact remains that a person may believe and love the Cause - even to being ready to die for it - and yet not have a personal character, or possess traits at variance with the teachings." (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated October 17, 1944, written on behalf to an individual believer.)

True Baha'i Marriage"The true marriage of Baha'is is this, that both husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Baha'i marriage." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Baha, p. 118)

Tenderness Out of This World"In the same way, when any souls grow to be true believers, they will attain a spiritual relationship with one another, and show forth a tenderness which is not of this world. They will, all of them, become elated from a draught of divine love, and that union of theirs, that connection, will also abide forever." ('Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Baha, pp. 117-8)
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