FREED TO SERVE
By Hannah Rishel, Arizona, U.S.
Do you suffer from depression, anxiety, and a sense of inability to serve the Faith adequately? Have you taken responsibility for many Baha'i endeavors, then felt abandoned by others who felt less responsible? Do you often wonder how to attain "radiant aquiescence;" how to be as selfless as the martyrs? Could you be called codependent, depressed, anxious, or in possession of an overactive guilt complex?
Maybe you are experiencing "Baha'i Fatigue Syndrome." This is a tongue-in-cheek term for a debilitating condition experienced by numerous Baha'is who have served the Faith for years, and find themselves growing less joyful and less able to serve. It is distressing, because we read in the Writings, "The spiritual world bestows only the joy," "Be light and untrammeled as the breeze," and countless other admonitions toward joy and selfless service. We read it, we remember bounties of service, we see others who demonstrate radiant acquiescence. But somehow, we've lost it.
What is the cause? Many causes, including:
--Spiritual testing, either because of our own mistakes, or God's test to purify our souls
--Inadequate response to the tests arising from other people
--Being children of the half-light; serving in old-world ways, failure to transcend hurts from our upbringing
--Addictions, compulsions
--Physical components such as a physically disabling condition, inadequate exercise, nutrition and self-care, and other physical ailments
What is the outcome? Unchecked, such people can become so debilitated that they cannot serve the Faith, their family, or themselves well. For all the feeling of responsibility, they become progressively unable to do their part.
This is an illness. What is the remedy?
Baha'u'llah tells us, "Whenever ye fall ill, refer to competent physicians." ( Compiled by the Universal House of Justice, "Health and Healing", p. 1) Depression, anxiety, and fatigue may have physical causes, for which a physician is best trained to evaluate and treat.
'Abdul'l-Baha teaches,"an illness caused by affliction, fear, nervous impressions, will be healed more effectively by spiritual rather than by physical treatment. Hence, both kinds of treatment should be followed; they are not contradictory." ( ibid, pp. 11- 12) Further, Baha'u'llah stated that "The healer of all thine ills is remembrance of Me, forget it not." ( ibid, p. 3) Any or all three components may be necessary to recover from "Baha'i Fatigue Syndrome."
For my recovery, two competent physicians were exceedingly helpful guides. One physician provided daily "listening" and feedback by e-mail. He prescribed hourly recitation of the prayer starting, "O God, refresh and gladden my spirit..." and use of "Allah'u'abha" to banish each negative, hurtful, or stressful thought. The other physician identified physical/nutritional components and prescribed appropriate nutritional support. Both were encouraging, both urged letting go of responsibilities and nurturing my own needs. Both made it clear that I could not serve others until I was restored.
God is the true Healer. He utilized the clear channels of two physicians, a Counselor, wise friends and family, and my own soul & volition. These are some valuable insights gained:
1. Do say the prescribed prayers, very often. How else can we apply, "Thy Name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my remedy."?
2. Learn how to say "no" to requests and needs. Learn to define how and how much we're able to assist with a particular need. Learn to deflect and defer requests. Practice tabling a decision, until the next day, the next week, or until after prayer and meditation. Observe others who have learned to say no, but still demonstrate other admirable qualities. Just because someone has a problem doesn't mean I must solve it.
3. Learn what my unique priorities and needs are. For example, only I can be my children's mother. Their needs must sometimes take priority over other needs.
4. "Selfish desire" is not synonymous with taking care of myself. And only I can take care of myself. Not my husband, friend, Local Spiritual Assembly, Auxiliary Board Member, or anyone else can take care of my unique needs.
And what is the outcome? When one's heart is connected to Baha'u'llah, He will guide us into new paths of service. Paths we had not anticipated. New ways of being, more calm, radiant, grateful, and inclusive of others; not shouldering responsibilities alone. Our service will be restored.